mom-mode post #152 – on a mommy identity
August 22, 2011 § 7 Comments
I apologize for the brutally honest post, but what is the point of writing if it doesn’t come from the most truest, deepest place within you?
This month it will be eighteen months since I’ve become a mommy. Eighteen months of getting to know and raise this plump, energetic, most handsome, funny little boy. O is a blessing, a true gift in our lives.
In the past eighteen months, I have been rather isolated from other mommies like me. My friends that have babies are all either in Brazil or America. Aside from the occasional Facebook status update or email, I don’t really get to see first hand how they are raising their babies. I don’t know what type of discipline method they use, I don’t get to see what they choose to feed their babies, I have no idea how they handle or have handled a toddler’s tantrum. Most of my friends here in Eskisehir don’t have babies yet, so I don’t even get a first glance at how they would handle a certain bout of picky eating or get tips on where is the best way potty-train.
I don’t share these things so you would feel sorry for my lonely mommy self. I share them however, so you can understand how little ‘outside influence’ I’ve had on this mommy journey of mine. So you can know where I was about two months ago when I went to spend some time in another city nearby where a few other families with the same beliefs as us live. It was my first time — since I’ve become a mom — I got to spend a considerable amount of time with other mommies that live by similar values as I do. It was the first time I got exposed to what I’ll call ‘mommy low-self esteem’.
I don’t want to brag, but up to this point I had been pretty satisfied with my parenting style. Oliver was growing healthily, meeting all the right milestones and just overall being a happy little boy. I had no reason to doubt my true mommy identity. But I did. As I saw those moms, they seemed to be doing everything right. everything I wasn’t doing. Their kids behaved perfectly, their house looked spotless and I, my friends, I just crumbled under all that pressure.
I longed to be back home with my friends that knew me and accept me for who I am, even if it meant that my kid was ‘that kid’ that won’t listen, or won’t hold my hand when I tell him to or eats pizza for lunch, and industrialized peanut butter. I felt like the size of a grain of rice as I looked at my baby, thinking he didn’t deserve the mommy he got.
That night I cried myself to sleep, praying God would make me into the best parent I could be for O. That’s when He brought to mind something someone wrote to me at my baby shower so many months ago: “God chose you to be Oliver’s mommy, no one else.” Little old me, so full of flaws and weak spots. Little old me, Oliver’s mommy.
As I laid there in bed with my mascara tears, I decided to never let any other mommy put doubt on who I am as a parent again. I decided to fully embrace my mommy identity.
Priscila, the fun mommy — the one who loves to roll around the pillows on our living room floor as her toddler laughs the most spontaneous laugh. Priscila, the teacher mommy– the one who finds absolute pleasure in sitting and reading fun books with her son. Priscila, the music mommy — the one who loves to sing and dance as she cooks dinner for her family. Priscila, the fashion mommy — the one who would rather wear a dress over sweats any day of the week. Priscila, the-trying-to-be-healthy mommy — the one who struggles to eat healthy herself, but prays her child will make better eating choices than her. Priscila, the amateur mommy — the one who is learning to discipline and set limits as she goes along. Priscila, the daddy-loving-mommy — the one who is madly, crazily in love with the husband. Finally, Priscila, the God-loving mommy. Because I want my kid to know that life without Him isn’t life at all. Little old me, Oliver’s mommy.
How about you? Have you found your mommy identity?